How I gave up my gun

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A couple of years later
the war broke out in Lebanon

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and I felt as a young man

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that I had to join those
who are defending Lebanon

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especially as a Christian myself.

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I felt that the Palestinians who
became very powerful in Lebanon

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ought to be checked.
And no one was checking them.

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The army,

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the Lebanese army in a way for
certain reasons was neutralized.

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So I joined the militia
and I took some training

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and bought a gun
a kind of military gun.

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And so that was something
I felt I had to do.

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Even though I was not myself
a man made to fight you

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and to you know to join
tough military action.

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But I thought at least I have
to be a model for others.

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But later on something happened

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something else I had learned from
those people whom I had met first.

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They belonged to a movement called

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which was called at that
time moral rearmament,

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now Initiatives of Change.

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They taught me that,

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they spoke to me about
something called the quiet time

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which means every day taking
some time by myself in quiet

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in order to listen to the deepest
thing you know in my heart.

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And for a believer because I had
become a believer you know

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listening to the small voice
of God you know in my life.

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And so I kept this habit

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of giving time every morning to this
interior listening if I may call it.

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And one day, I was reading
a chapter a page in the gospel

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before taking this quiet time

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and I read about Jesus saying:
"My kingdom is not of this world,

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and that if my kingdom
was of this world,

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my friends would have
fought to defend me."

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So I said to myself

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I am fighting,
I have joining the military action

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but as if God was telling me there
is a superior battle to be fought,

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and that in a way this
battle is not totally right

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because it's opposing
communities like

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Christians on one side,
Muslims on one side

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and I felt that this is not the best
fight I should give my life to

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because I was taking risks,
I mean big risks sometime.

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And in a way I felt
in me a deep desire to join

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this superior you know battle.

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And I said to God what could I do.

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What should I do.

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But I didn't have any answer.

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But a few days later,
I had a particular thought.

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Well, give up your arm your weapon.

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Give it up.

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Give it away.

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It was not easy to do that
in a time of war of civil war

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but eventually I did that as a step.