Two paradoxes of forgiveness

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There are two paradoxes
in forgiveness.

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A paradox is an apparent contradiction
that's not a contradiction.

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First, you give goodness
to the person who hurt you

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which is not expected.

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And then as you give to them it looks
like you're doing all the giving

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and they're doing all the getting
and you're wasting away.

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But the second paradox is
you become stronger

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and you become
emotionally healed.

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In our research over the
past couple of decades,

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clearly shows that when people
take the time to forgive

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and it takes time
and it is a struggle,

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they can experience
the kind of healing

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that surprised me at the beginning
of this research 30 years ago

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and why I think forgiveness is such an
amazing relationship adaptation,

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and it's an amazing psychotherapy

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and it should be an amazing
part of education for us all:

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"How to forgive?"